Page 3 of 97 FirstFirst 123451353 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 961

Thread: Jokes!

  1. #21
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

    Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?" the man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

    The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

    He then turned to a couple standing next and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  2. The Following User Says Thank You to PUCK For This Useful Post:

    osf

  3. #22
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    After his death, Osama bin Laden went to paradise. He was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled angrily, "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!"

    Then Patrick Henry punched Osama in the nose and James Madison kicked him in the groin.

    Bin Laden was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson and 66 other early Americans. As he writhed in pain on the ground, an angel appeared.

    Bin Laden groaned, "This is not what I was promised!"

    The angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you! What did you think I said?"
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  4. The Following User Says Thank You to PUCK For This Useful Post:

    osf

  5. #23
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

    Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

    So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

    They moused.

    They faxed.

    They e-mailed.

    They e-mailed with attachments.

    They downloaded.

    They did spreadsheets!

    They wrote reports.

    They created labels and cards.

    They created charts and graphs.

    They did some genealogy reports

    They did every job known to man.

    Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

    Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

    Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

    Jesus just sighed.

    Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

    "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

    Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

    Satan observed this and became irate.

    "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

    God just shrugged and said,

    JESUS SAVES
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PUCK For This Useful Post:


  7. #24
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    Is anyone reading these jokes or what ?
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  8. #25
    Just doing my thang ODIN7916's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    119
    Rep
    38
    Quote Originally Posted by Puck View Post
    Is anyone reading these jokes or what ?
    I do! I even posting some myself.

  9. #26
    Getting horney. Clorox2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    354
    Thanks
    212
    Thanked
    794
    Rep
    47
    Quote Originally Posted by Puck View Post
    Is anyone reading these jokes or what ?
    Some of them. Not as many of the long ones. That's why I figured I'd just post one liners. Cheesy, but at least some people might read them. Plus short ones are easier to tell at parties. They can be a good ice breaker with the right girl too.


  10. #27
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    One day a blonde walks into a dry cleaners and says to the owner “i need to wash my shirt” and the owner says “come again?” and the blonde says no its just mustard this time

    ---

    what do you get if you cross an agnostic, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A man who lies awake at night, wondering if there really is a dog.

    ---

    Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa.

    ---

    Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.

    “Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today.”

    Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his
    face in his hands, muttering “My God…My God”.

    “Mr. President,” says Rumsfeld, “we lose soldiers all the time, and it’s
    terrible. But I’ve never seen you so upset. What’s the matter?”

    Bush looks up and asks…”Exactly how many is a Brazilian?”
    ================================================== =

    Better ?????
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  11. #28
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

    Compliment her,
    cuddle her,
    kiss her,
    caress her,
    love her,
    stroke her,
    tease her,
    comfort her,
    protect her,
    hug her,
    hold her,
    spend money on her,
    wine & dine her,
    listen to her,
    care for her,
    stand by her,
    support her,
    go to the ends of the earth for her....






    HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:







    Show up naked. Bring beer.
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  12. #29
    Administrator PUCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fryslan
    Posts
    34,378
    Thanks
    35,329
    Thanked
    53,516
    Rep
    1112
    A guy goes to a magic show and for the final act the magician picks him out of the crowd and calls him up onto the stage. The magician gives him a sledgehammer and, after laying his head down on a block of wood, tells him to hit him as hard as he can.

    The guy, thinking that the magician knew what he was doing, says, “alright,” pulls back the hammer and –BAM– hits the magician right in the temple.

    Ten years later the magician wakes up from a coma and yells… “TADA!”

    ---

    A kid walks into a liquor store and tries to buy some whiskey. The clerk asks why, the kid tells him his father uses it for laxative. Thinking the kid must be telling the truth, he sells him the whiskey.
    At the end of the day, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the kid, stumbling around, obviously drunk.
    He asks the kid “Hey, I thought you bought that for your father to use as laxative?”
    The kid replies “Yeah, when he sees me like this, he’s gonna shit himself”

    ---

    A man walks into a dark bar and sits next to three ladies, leans over the closest one and says, “You wanna hear a blonde joke?” The woman turns to him and says, “For your information, I’m a professional women’s hockey player, and I’m blond, the woman next to me is a professional kick-boxer, and she’s blond, and the woman on the end is a professional wrestler, and SHE’s blond, so you still wanna tell your joke?” The man pauses to think, then responds, “Not really, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
    Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    When you like a post, hit the "Thanks" button !!


  13. The Following User Says Thank You to PUCK For This Useful Post:

    osf

  14. #30
    Post Addict bigbizou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    France/Lorraine... Frontier FRANCE-Belgium-Luxembourg
    Posts
    3,024
    Thanks
    451
    Thanked
    3,680
    Rep
    89

    In Monaco...

    Do you know the difference between a RICH GIRL ans a POOR GIRL ???


    In MONACO, POOR GIRL wash herself her FERRARI...






Page 3 of 97 FirstFirst 123451353 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •